Idiot seraphim deux
by Meowzy-chan
Summary: The longawaited sequel! Two years after the Idiot seraphim events, Zelos proposes to Lloyd. At the bachelor party however, Lloyd goes missing. The idiots from Cruxis embark on a quest to find him. Pairings: ZexLl, KrxYu, MixGe
1. Prologue

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

Disclaimer.

First off, I don't own Tales of Symphonia, or the characters. This counts for all chapters to come.

Secondly, this story is a bit alternate universed, since it diverts from the original ending. If you want more insight on how it diverts, read Idiot seraphim, my first Tales of Symphonia fanfic. In fact, you don't even have to read the entire thing. Just the prologue.

Thirdly, I suppose the characters are a bit out of character. This always happens when I write a fanfic. There are some who find my view of characters refreshing. Others yell at me for it. But don't worry. I'll try to keep your image of them intact.

Fourthly, it never hurts to leave a review! And it makes me very happy! So… if you have time… (hint hint)

* * *

Prologue. 

For everyone who suffers from short term memory loss, and for everyone who is just too lazy to read an extra fifteen minutes, I shall recap the events of Idiot seraphim in this prologue.

It all started off when Yuan made the suggestion that the guys should find a new fourth seraphim, seeing Martel was… dead. Though Mithos is still in denial ofcourse. And so the Cruxis gang arrived at Zelos's doorstep, and persuaded him to join them in their fight against discrimination. Zelos agreed, and was dragged off to Vinheim the second, where he could live from now on. After being introduced to Yuan's lousy cooking, and the rules of Seraphimhood, the guys decided to crash Lloyd's party. Zelos woke up with a monstrous hangover the next morning, and came to the shocking conclusion that he was in fact sharing a bed with Lloyd himself. Panicking, he ran back to Vinheim, where, ofcourse, the others simply mocked him. They knew all along Zelos was incredibly gay but in denial. Zelos still denied it, and tried to find distraction in Cruxis's radical actions against discrimination. When he faces certain death however, he admits that he is in fact gay. Because Kratos forgot to pay the mana bill, The tower of salvation, which works on magitechnology, was soon without power. Zelos decided to pay a visit to the mana company, where he found out that Lloyd was in fact the company's president. After pleading a bit, Lloyd decided to hook them up to the mana supply again, if they continued their payments next month. Later on, when everyone was celebrating Mithos's four thousand and thirteenth birthday in Flanoir, he admitted to Lloyd that he may have feelings for him. And, for those who paid attention in the epilogue, you could see the subtle hint that Zelos and Lloyd, were, in fact, a couple now. (What? Was it really that obvious?)  
2 years passed from then.


	2. Chapter one

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Yes yes, my loyal fans. I promised I'd write a sequel, and here it is. Remember that I warned you the plot would suck. Oh, and if you can't stand guyxguy pairings, don't read. M'kay?))

* * *

Chapter one. 

It was a lovely evening in the blue oyster restaurant, where Zelos and Lloyd were sitting cosily at a table.

"Nice evening for a non-suspicious dinner at a non-suspicious restaurant isn't it?" Zelos commented casually.

"Yes… Well, I'm just going to ignore the fact that Yuan, Kratos, Mithos, Genis, Raine, Sheena, Regal and Presea are all here too, giving you the thumbs up." Lloyd raised his eyebrow.

"Oh yes, that is pure coincidence." Zelos nodded.

"Hmmhmm…" Lloyd smiled lightly as Yuan shouted "Go for it!" in the background.

"So anyway, Lloyd... After a lot of research I found out that it is in fact legal for two guys to get married in Tethe'alla. Which is why I ask you..." Zelos clumsily got to his knees and opened a little box he had just pulled out of his pocket. "Will you marry me?"

There was a long silence. A very long silence.  
"Zelos, I don't mean to burst your bubble but… the box is empty." Lloyd said slowly.

"Darn, I was hoping you wouldn't notice. Thruthfully, my funds are a little low because Mithos still refuses to pay me." Zelos threw a quick glare over at the blond Seraph.

"Look, Zelos, I told you! Our budget does not yet allow us to pay our members!" Mithos called out.

"Yet it does allow you to add a new library to Vinheim the second…" Zelos said skeptically. "Anyway, as soon as I have the money, I'll buy you a real ring. So what do you say?"

"Well, ok." Lloyd grinned. The entire crowd burst into loud cheers.

"My boy is getting married! I _am_ a good father!" Kratos sniffed, dabbing his eyes with a hanky.

"Did you forget the fact that he's marrying an idiotic pervert?" Mithos asked quietly.

* * *

Soon the night of Lloyd's bachelor night arrived, and Zelos was left at Vinheim, bored out of his mind. 

"Don't worry Zelos, I'm not invited either." Kratos said consolingly.

"That's because you're Lloyd's dad, and you would make things awkward." Zelos grunted.

"You don't have to rub it in!" Kratos sighed. Suddenly, his cellphone started ringing. After digging through all the useless junk in his purse he finally got hold of it.

"Yes? … No, ofcourse he's not here. He's supposed to be with you. …" Kratos lowered his phone to look at Zelos. "Hold on a sec." He said, getting to his feet and walking into the hallway, closing the door behind him. But that was not enough to stifle the man's shout. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST LLOYD!"

Zelos quickly tiptoed to the door and listened through the keyhole.

"Well, that's just typical. Get everyone to look for him. And cancel the male strippers! … No, cancel them! … Okay, I'll see you later."

Zelos hurried back to his chair and sat down just as Kratos walked back in.

"Well Zelos, it appears there's a little problem at the bachelor party."

"Oh really?" Zelos asked, pretending he didn't hear the conversation.

"Lloyd never showed up. But don't worry, I'm sure the guys will find him." Kratos said assuringly.

"Uhuh…"

* * *

The next morning, however, Lloyd still wasn't found. 

"I don't get it. Where could he have gone? He was not at his office, not in the local bar and not in prison." Yuan said frowning.

"He's probably gotten himself into trouble again." Kratos sighed.

"I say we go on a journey to find him!" Zelos proclaimed.

"Ooh, it'll be just like the old days! And in the meantime, we can spread the word of anti-discrimination!" Mithos said happily, clapping his hands together.

"Now that you mention it, when was the last time we had a holiday?" Kratos asked.

"Good point! I'll go pack some sunblock!" Mithos called.

"I'll go find some tourist guides!" Yuan called.

"I have to buy new swim trunks!" Kratos pouted.

"Screw tourist guides, I wanna watch you try on swimtrunks!" Yuan laughed.

"Guys! This is a rescue mission, not a holiday!" Zelos interrupted them.

"Yeah, whatever you say Zelos. Hey, can we search Altamira beach first?" Mithos asked absentmindedly.

"No! We need to retrace Lloyd's steps, and find out where he disappeared!"

"Aw… Alright… Party pooper…" Mithos pouted.

* * *

((The plot sucks, doesn't it? Well, don't worry. It'll get better. Slightly. Eheheh...)) 

((Before you ask, Lloyd is 18 by now. So it's all legal! Atleast, by Dutch standards he is. Not sure how American standards are. Let's just assume Tethe'alla has the same standards as The Netherlands, shall we?))


	3. Chapter two

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: While waiting for the regulars to return, I've decided to already upload chapter two.

**Katandshadow:** Well, Zelos is known as the idiot, right? Though when you think about it, all four seraphim are idiots in this fic. Nice to see you reviewing this fic too! (I didn't expect you to not review, but still)

**DraNKa:** A GenisxMithos fan, I see. Sadly, Genis won't be appearing much in this fic. (Just the last chapters, I think...) So I'll try and turn Genis's appearance into something cute for you to enjoy. Heheheh.

This is one of the chapters I found rather boring and annoying... It all just seems a bit rushed. Ohwell, enjoy.))

* * *

Chapter two.

Soon the guys were packed and ready to leave. They decided to pay a quick visit to Raine first, to explain the situation.

"And that is why we are going on a journey to find Lloyd. We just need you guys to arrange the wedding, and make sure nothing goes wrong." Zelos explained.

"Wouldn't it be better to postpone?" Raine frowned.

"No! I'm positive we'll find Lloyd on time!"

"If you say so… But why aren't you using the Rheairds?"

"We decided that the exercise is good for us. Besides, in the good old days, we didn't have Rheairds either." Yuan said.

"You could atleast bring them with you! Those wing packs don't take up much room at all." Raine argued.

"Details, details!" Kratos said lightly.

"Oh right, and can you feed mr. Snuggles? Don't worry, as long as you fill up his bowl with plenty of fresh meats, you won't get eaten. And in the meantime you can take care of Noishe too. It'll be a hassle to bring that mutt with us." Mithos said.

"Noishe is not a mutt!" Kratos snapped.

"Yeah, he's a proto… Protozoac or something." Yuan added wisely.

* * *

Their first stop was Lloyd's office at the Mana company. They immediately approached the secretary, who looked a bit jumpy.

"Excuse me? We have some questions about Lloyd." Zelos began.

"Mr. Irving is not missing! He's just gone to the bathroom!" the secretary said a bit too quickly.

"You're lying aren't you?" Kratos asked after a small silence.

"I have to! If those gossip magazines find out, I'll lose my job!" the secretary said desperately. "Hey wait, I know you! You're that guy who comes by every day to bother mr. Irving at lunch." She added, staring at Zelos.

"That's me!" Zelos responded proudly. "Listen, we already know he's missing, and we're trying to find out where he disappeared. Could you give us his schedule for yesterday?"

"I'm afraid I don't have the authorisation to do that."

"You have to! I'm the kid's father!" Kratos interfered.

"Oh, do you know how many men and women barge in here every day, claiming to be mr. Irving's long lost father?" the secretary rolled her eyes.

"It's true! I can prove it!" Kratos took a baby picture out of his wallet and held it up.

"That could be any kid!"

"But, see? The cradle says 'Lloyd'! How many kids in the world could possibly be named Lloyd with double L?" Kratos pointed it out on the picture.

"I suppose you have got a point. Well alright. Mr Irving was working in his office until 7 PM, and then left for the party in Altamira. But he said he needed to make a stop at the library in Sybak first, to look something up." the secretary explained.

"Okay, first Sybak, then Altamira! Got it!" Zelos said, turning back to leave.

"Next time you come here for lunch, please refrain from bullying the employees into giving you their money again!" the secretary called after him.

* * *

By the time the guys arrived in Sybak, it was already late in the afternoon.

"Look at all those half-elves…" Mithos said, glancing around.

"No Mithos! Remember what happened during operation FEZ? Those half-elves are happy the way they are." Kratos said warningly.

"But I didn't do anything yet!"

"Anyway, I'll go to the library and ask around if anyone has seen Lloyd. Can you question some people here in town?" Zelos asked.

"Sure thing." Yuan nodded.

"Let's meet back here in fifteen minutes." Mithos suggested.

"And remember, don't go harassing the half-elves with your anti-discrimination plans!" Zelos said, to Mithos in particular.

"Why does everyone assume I'm going to try and set these poor slaves free?" Mithos asked. Everyone glanced at him suspiciously, before heading off into different directions.

* * *

((Heheh, a reference to operation FEZ.))

((Yeah,thischapter was pretty bad. I know. Don't kill me! Next chapter will be better, I promise!))


	4. Chapter three

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Oooh, 4 reviews this time!

**SilverTearsFromAFallenAngel: **I usually update once every two days. Sometimes it takes me three days. But not often. Sooo.. Heh. You can expect an update pretty often.

**DraNKa:** Yeah, I really loved Operation FEZ too. Almost as fun as the time they were handing out flyers in Triet.

**Katandshadow:** Kill me? Why? Okay, there wasn't much fluff. I know. It's just hard when the guys are busy with their quest. And OMG, you actually know a person named Lloyd? Wooooow!

**Zls:** Yeah, even if you don't care about guyxguy, it's portrayed in a way that most yaoi haters find it funny anyway. It's some sort of irony, I suppose. It's maaaagical!

Okay, so I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope you enjoy reading it!))

* * *

Chapter three. 

Zelos entered the library and looked around. As usual, it was empty. Who went to libraries these days anyway? Ignoring the librarian's stare, he stepped forward. Suddenly, something very odd caught his eye. Between two large bookcases, was a bunch of magazines. But not just any magazines…

"Playboys!" Zelos exclaimed, before clamping his hand in front of his mouth. The librarian was staring at him even more now. Letting out a quick cough, he hurried towards the magazines. 'Old habits are hard to dispose of… But why am I having such a strange feeling of Deja-vu?' he thought, stretching out his hand to grab one. There was a loud bang and smoke flew everywhere. Zelos quickly jumped back, narrowly avoiding a heartattack. 'Oh yeah, that's why…'

"I am the mysterious gourmet, the wonder chef!" Wonder chef exclaimed, raising his abnormally large fork.

"Man, don't scare me like that!" Zelos shouted. Then he turned back and noticed the librarian was looking a little annoyed. He quickly turned his voice to a whisper. "How long have you been impersonating a bunch of magazines?"

"Quite a few days now. But I am the wonder chef! I do not grow hungry!" Weirdo chef said dramatically.

"Have you seen Lloyd in here yesterday?" Zelos asked.

"I have indeed. He too, was tempted by the magazines. But unlike you, he resisted."

"Eheh… Let's just forget that happened…" Zelos said nervously. "Did you see Lloyd leave?"

"I did not. I left for a potty break, and when I came back, he was gone." Wonder chef nodded wisely.

"Awww… Well, thanks for your help." Zelos turned to leave.

"Wait, don't you want to learn a new recipe?" Wonder chef asked desperately.

"Uhhh… Well, we hang out nearly every Saturday. I think I know enough recipes by now." Zelos shrugged.

"Well, Today I shall teach you the recipe of… err… chocolate hamburgers?" Wonder chef scratched his head.

"Erm… I'll pass." Zelos said, making a swift escape.

* * *

"Well guys, What did you find out?" Zelos asked, when the group had gathered again. 

"That junk salesman has some lovely lampshades on sale!" Yuan exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's real useful." Zelos said sarcastically, before turning to Kratos.

"That dog's name is Skippy." The man said, pointing to a random Dalmation.

"Interesting…" Zelos turned to Mithos.

"The half-elves that work in the research academy earn 9 gald an hour." Mithos nodded.

"That means they earn more than we do."

"We don't earn anything." Kratos said.

"Precisely my point." Zelos said with narrowed eyes. "Well, I found out that Lloyd did go to the library, but left at some point. Our next stop is Altamira. But I suggest that we stay at an inn for the night, since it's getting pretty late."

"Okey dokey." Mithos, Kratos and Yuan said brightly.

* * *

After spending the night at Sybak's inn, and avoiding the suspicious breakfast that was included, the guys got ready to continue on to Altamira. They passed a newspaper stand near the exit of the village. 

"Oh my! Guys, check out this headline!" Mithos called, snatching a random magazine.

"Iselia's mayor arrested for impersonating a moose?" Kratos read, leaning over Mithos's shoulder.

"No, next to that one."

"Ex-chosen kidnaps Mana company's president."

"What!" Zelos pulled the magazine from Mithos's fingers. "Having kept their relationship secret to the public for two years, Zelos Wilder, former chosen of Tethe'alla admits that he has a relationship with Lloyd Irving, the incredibly wealthy and handsome president of the Mana company. Now, all of a sudden, mr. Irving has disappeared. Experts say that it is very well possible that Zelos, having lost his title and thus his life of shine, could have resorted to desperate measures to regain some attention. After having joined Cruxis, the organisation against discrimination, Zelos was soon followed by mobs again. But was that enough? How would it look if he kidnapped the president of a large corporation? After luring the innocent boy into a sense of false security for two years, it would have been very easy. For more information on Lloyd Irving, and his failed journey to collect expheres, flip to page 17." He read.

"Zelos, that's not true, is it?" Yuan asked incredously.

"If it is, I'm gonna whoop your ass." Kratos added, raising his fist.

"N-no! Tethe'alla today is just some stupid gossip magazine! They hardly ever print facts! ... Oh, stop staring at me!" Zelos said in an annoyed voice.

"Well, let's look on the brightside. Free publicity for Cruxis!" Mithos grinned.

* * *

((Wellll? Did you like? I have to admit, most of the Wonder chef's lines were just plain 'improvise as you write'. It turned out okay, right? Wonder chef does not grow hungry, yet he has to go on a "pottybreak")) 

((Oh, the lampshades Yuan was referring to, they were pink with white roses on it. Awwwww!))

((That gossip magazine was actually part of a subplot I decided to get rid of. My first idea was that the guys would be followed around by a crazy reporter girl, who would write several odd stories about them. But when I thought about it some more, it was just plain silly. I left the first part in though, because I thought it was still acceptable.))


	5. Chapter four

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Wow, lots of reviews!

**Ana Paula92:** Continue it forever? I don't think I have enough ideas for that...But I might write a third part some day.

**UntitledSorrow:** Yeah, we always knew there was something fishy about that mayor...

**Katandshadow:** You earn your money in gald? Or do you earn the same as Zelos, Yuan and Kratos? (which is nothing)

**AnimeBoy123:** Yup, I'm that very same Meowzy. Hiya!

**Off:** Merry christmas to you too! And to our favourite ToS characters ofcourse!

**Blackdrak:** Oh, look! It's you! Glad you have time to review now! You call the wedding an original idea? Lol! I thought it was the most unoriginal thing I could think of.

Thank you all for reviewing! Here's the next chapter, you will all remember as the 'infamous washtub chapter'))

* * *

Chapter four. 

"How are we going to get to Altamira anyway?" Kratos asked, when the guys had been walking south for a few hours straight.

"Uuuuuh… Obviously we've got to… errr… hitchhike our way there." Mithos said slowly.

"Oh yeah sure. In the middle of this mountain range, we've just got to stick out our thumb, and a boat will magically pass by, that'll take us to Altamira." Yuan said sarcastically.

"It could happen…" Mithos mumbled.

"I heard they opened up a new dock near here. There might be a boat sailing to Altamira from there." Zelos said.

"It's our best shot." Kratos nodded.

* * *

After a long walk the guys finally reached the southern shore, and the dock.

"Look, this sign says you can get to Altamira from here, any time you want!" Mithos called enthusiastically.

"But I don't see any boats. How are we supposed to get there?" Zelos asked. He looked around wildly, until something caught his eye. "It's a… washtub?"

"Yup, it's a washtub." Mithos said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Washtubs. Hmm…" Kratos said with a strange look of hunger in his eyes. Everyone stared at him.

"Kratos, is there something you'd like to share with us?" Zelos asked awkwardly.

"Huh?" Kratos snapped out of his daydream. "No, nothing."

"But… Why washtubs?" Yuan asked, staring at the washtubs.

"Tourists love them!" Said a creepy guy who had just sneaked up behind them. The gang quickly turned round.

"Tourists?" Zelos repeated.

"Yes. We received report from our main franchise at Thoda dock, that tourists love washtub rides. They also love going to Altamira. It makes perfect sense." The creepy guy, -who was incidentally the owner of this dock- said.

"So this is the only way to get to Altamira from here?" Kratos asked.

"Unless you know how to fly, yes." The creepy guy nodded, grinning widely. This made him even more creepy.

"Excuse me while I discuss this with my associates…" Zelos said solemnly, and the guys quickly huddled.

"Okay, so we don't have the rheairds, and according to rule number one of Seraph-hood, we're not allowed to use our wings. The washtubs are our only option." Kratos said, making sure the creepy guy could not hear them.

"Looks like it." Zelos muttered.

"It'll be fun!" Mithos called.

"Alright then." Yuan agreed. The guys turned back to the creepy guy.

"Ready to go then?" creepy guy asked. The gang nodded. "Two persons per washtub. No shoving please. We will not be held responsible for injuries or drowning. That'll be 400 gald please."

"How much?" Zelos repeated through gritted teeth. But he paid the guy anyway.

"I'm sharing a washtub with Kratos!" Yuan said quickly, hopping in one of the washtubs and dragging Kratos with him. Zelos and Mithos got in the other one.

"Hey, there are no oars." Zelos commented.

"Most people got tired of rowing, so we installed an engine run by magitechnology in every washtub. Don't worry, the washtub automatically steers to Altamira." Creepy guy shrugged.

"Hooray! Let's go!" Mithos called, pushing a button on the engine. It started whirring loudly. "Yeah, we're moving! … Wait… are we?" Mithos looked over the edge of the washtub.

"I think we are… But at incredibly slow speed. It'll take days like this…" Zelos sighed.

"Time to give this baby some extra juice!" Mithos grinned, turning to the engine.

"What are you planning?" Zelos asked cautiously.

"If these things run on magitechnology, it can only mean it'll go faster if I give it some of my mana." Mithos said, placing a hand on the engine.

"No, don't!" Zelos shouted, but it was too late. The engine gave a loud roar and the washtub was suddenly shooting over the water with a steady speed of 50 miles an hour. Zelos gripped the edge for dear life, shrieking like a little girl. Meanwhile, Mithos was laughing his trademark maniacal laugh.

"Altamira, here we come!"

* * *

((Washtubs. Hmm...))

((I know, this chapter has a little bit of a filler-feel to it. But it's still funny, right?))


	6. Chapter five

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Whooh! 5 reviews!

**Untitled Sorrow: **If you already read it on the Tales forum, that means you're a few chapters ahead of this one, ne?

**DraNKa:** The laugh 0wns indeed. It always makes me giggle too.

**Ana Paula92:** Yeah, I'm not quite sure if Zelos is the stupidest or not either. Kratos used to be the smartest, but his IQ seems to have gone down after the first fic ended.

**Katandshadow:** Imagine the things Yuan and Kratos could do in a washtub... Heheheheheh...

**Blackdrak:** The washtubs... The washtubs! Oo

Enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter five. 

After a small ten minute ride, the washtub bumped into the white shores of Altamira at high speed. It toppled over immediately, causing Zelos to fly fifteen feet, before landing with his face in the sand.

"That was fun!" Mithos said excitedly, hopping out too.

"Let's never do that again!" Zelos said in fake excitement, brushing the sand off his face. There was a soft bump as Kratos and Yuan arrived too. They immediately jumped out of the washtub.

"No fair! You could've waited for us!" Yuan called angrily.

"I was kinda hoping you'd get lost at sea…" Mithos shrugged.

"Guys, focus! We have a mission here!" Zelos said before Yuan could reply to that.

"You mean lay around on the beach all day?" Mithos asked.

"Yes. … NO! I mean no! We're supposed to go to Altamira casino to find clues about Lloyd!"

"Well, the casino doesn't open until night time. We might as well have a look around the city." Yuan suggested.

"Oh alright." Zelos nodded.

"Kratos… are you licking that washtub?" Yuan asked, looking back at his companion.

"Uh… no…" Kratos said slowly, his tongue placed against the soggy wood.

"You have issues. Seriously." Mithos shook his head.

* * *

"Look, that woman has bunny ears!" Mithos called, as the gang made their way through the busy tourist trap. "I wonder if she's related to mr. Snuggles…" 

"Mr. Snuggles doesn't have relatives. He's the spawn of satan." Yuan commented.

"Funny. Then you must be his long lost brother." Mithos shot back.

"Give it a rest guys… I'm getting a migraine." Kratos grunted.

"Hey, what's that?" Zelos asked, pointing at a large tent. A whole crowd of people was waiting in line to get inside.

"We'll have to check it out!" Mithos called.

Soon the guys had pushed their way to the front of the line, and got admitted to the tent. In the back was a large stage. A big square box on top of it was hidden underneath a large cloth.

"What's this?" Kratos asked, staring around.

"Looks like a magic show!" Mithos said excitedly, sitting down on the ground. Everyone quickly followed his example. When the tent was crammed full, and no more people could enter, the lights went out. Everyone gasped. A bright spotlight sprang on, and followed a man onstage. But not just any man. It was Regal Bryant, wearing a strange ringmasters outfit. Complete with top hat and sunglasses.

"Welcome, visitors, to Altamira!" He began dramatically. "I am your host, _el presidente_! Today you shall see our star attraction with your very own eyes. I give you…" Regal tapped on the box with a long cane. The cloth was pulled away to reveal a big cage. "Altamira's very own Klonoa!"

"Loople-doo!" the Klonoa said simply.

Zelos stared at the 'Klonoa' inside the cage. It was a girl with pink hair, wearing some odd outfit. "Isn't that Presea?" he muttered to Kratos, who was sitting next to him. Kratos however, was too busy 'Oooh'-ing, like the rest of the crowd.

"Do not worry dear people. It does not bite. Often." _El presidente_ said grinning. The crowd 'Oooh'-ed even more. "And now, I shall open the cage, and unleash the Klonoa inside. I ask you to step back, for your own safety." Regal tapped the cage again, and the door jumped open. The Klonoa blinked for a second, before stepping onto the stage.

"Yahoo." It said.

"Klonoa shall now cut this log into two, using only an axe." Regal clapped his hands, and two random guys appeared carrying a piece of log, stacked on a bigger piece of wood. A third guy handed the Klonoa an axe, before hurrying offstage.

"Yahoo?" the Klonoa stared at the axe, showing no emotions whatsoever.

"Go ahead." Regal said. The Klonoa stepped forward and raised it's axe. The crowd held it's breath. Then it brought the axe down on the log, causing it to split in two.

"Et voila." Regal said proudly, and the crowd started to clap and shout insanely. Zelos however, rolled his eyes. "I hope you've enjoyed the show. Enjoy your stay in Altamira!" Regal and the Klonoa both took a bow, before walking offstage and disappearing behind the curtains.

* * *

((Eheheheh... I loved writing this chapter. Altamira is summer fun for everyone!)) 


	7. Chapter six

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Awww, only two reviews this time? Ohwells.

**DraNKa:** Nah, it's not child abuse, as explained in this chapter. Regal's not a mean guy. He just likes to make money.

**Katandshadow:** We will never know why Kratos was licking that washtub. Just like we will never know why he said "Washtubs. Hmm..." in the game. Who knows what goes on in that crazy head of his?

Enjoy! Enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter six.

"Regal! Regal!" Zelos called, as the guys hurried backstage to meet _el presidente_.

"Guys, hello." Regal said cheerfully, sitting down in a chair and wiping his face with a towel. "Did you enjoy the show?"

"It was… different alright." Yuan admitted.

"Apparently tourists love this sort of stuff." Regal shrugged. "So did you find Lloyd yet? I must say I got a bit worried when he didn't show up at the bachelor party. After all the trouble I went through to reserve the casino for us…"

"Heh, I can't believe it took us two hours to figure out Lloyd wasn't even there." Mithos grinned.

"It's that cake's fault, really. It was so big and colourful. Constantly drawing the attention away from important stuff..." Yuan mumbled.

"Ah, you're just mad because you weren't in charge of catering." Mithos said.

"No I'm not. I'm just saying the cake could've done without all the whipped cream and chocolate topping…"

"Stop nagging!" both Zelos and Kratos called, not wanting to hear more about the glamorous party they'd been forced to miss.

"Oh sorry. But yeah, we haven't found Lloyd yet. We were planning on going to the casino to search for clues, but it's not open yet." Yuan explained.

"Well, I can't help you there. It opens at eight P.M. sharp, and not a minute earlier." Regal said. Suddenly, there was a loud growling sound. "But… maybe you guys would like a few dinner coupons?" he added, staring at them.

"Oh sorry. We haven't had breakfast this morning." Zelos said, as the gang clamped their hands over their stomachs.

"Need… food…" Mithos added in a whiney way.

"Go have dinner at the Altamira restaurant, and put it on my tab, okay?" Regal smiled at them. Perhaps out of sympathy?

"Oh, you're a lifesaver!" Zelos shook Regal's hand enthusiastically. "Oh, and one more thing. I don't think it's right to force Presea to keep on being a Klonoa." He added, looking at Presea, who was standing there the whole time.

"Force her? It's her new job." Regal responded. "I guess she deserves a raise though."

"Yahoo!" Presea said blankly.

* * *

After consuming four extra large Altamira specials, the guys noticed the sun was slowly starting to set and headed for the casino.

"I love this place!" Mithos said happily, hopping out the monorail and running towards the elevator that headed to the casino.

"It's one big tourist trap, really. I think they've doubled the amount of gift shops since I was last here…" Zelos frowned. "Well, let's look around inside the casino." He headed for the entrance, and noticed Yuan and Kratos weren't following. "What?" he asked, turning to them.

"I think it's best if we wait outside." Yuan said slowly, clinging to Kratos's arm.

"Why?" Zelos asked.

"Kratos doesn't like to admit it, but he has a slight gambling problem." Yuan explained delicately.

"I do not!" Kratos said crossly.

"Yes you do."

"Wanna bet?"

"See?" Yuan sighed.

"Your loss!" Mithos grinned, and turned to the casino.

"Not so fast!" Yuan called, before the boy had even moved a foot.

"What?" Mithos growled.

"You may be over four thousand years old, but you look underage. They won't let you in." Yuan shook his head.

"But if I-"

"No Yggdrasill! How do you think it would look if the leader of Cruxis just walked into a casino?"

"Oh fine! I'll just… go watch the Katz play or something… For some reason, it reminds me of Genis…" Mithos walked off in an overly depressed way.

"So it's just me then?" Zelos asked.

"Looks like it." Yuan shrugged.

"I do not have a gambling problem! Just let me go inside, and I'll prove it to you!" Kratos hissed.

"No! The last time you said that, we ended up having to sell our clothes to pay off an immense debt." Yuan said, suppressing that particular memory. It had not been pretty.

* * *

((Not much to say, really. Nah, not much to say. OH! I do have one thing! Did you know that today is Kratos's official birthday? Yaaay! Happy birthday Kratos!))


	8. Chapter seven

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Ahoy, mateys!

**omgomgomgOMFG:** Boy, that's an interesting username you have there. Lol! And... Happy belated birthday!

**Untitled Sorrow:** And Yay to you, my friend.

**Katandshadow:** Didn't your boyfriend go trick or treating as Kratos too? OMG, that's so creepy!

Oh, I love this chapter! Heeheeh!))

* * *

Chapter seven. 

Zelos tried his hardest to find a clue, but it was in vain. So after ten minutes of pointless wandering and being hypnotised by bright lights, he exited the casino again.

"What's with the guilty faces?" he asked, when he saw Yuan and Kratos waiting for him. Mithos had joined them again too.

"Well…" Kratos began, looking at the floor.

"Kratos gambled away all our money!" Yuan shouted.

"What? But how?" Zelos stuttered.

"All I did was blink, and suddenly Kratos had somehow teleported himself inside the casino. By the time I got inside to drag him away by his ear, he had already spent our last money." Yuan glared at Kratos.

"What? But that must've taken you like… thirty seconds." Zelos said dumbstruck.

"Kratos is incredibly fast when it comes down to slotmachines." Yuan explained.

"But… all our money?"

"All of it."

"Now how are you we going to eat? And stay at inns?" Zelos asked desperately.

"Maybe we can sell Mithos off as a slave. He won't be worth much though." Yuan grinned.

"Maybe Yuan can beg people for spare change! He sure looks like a hobo!" Mithos retorted.

"Do you two ever stop arguing?" Zelos asked.

"Not even when we're sleeping." Mithos shrugged.

"Well, anyway… Since I didn't find any clues in the casino, Lloyd probably disappeared somewhere between Sybak and Altamira. What are we going to do now?"

"Oh, I know where we can go! But it's on the other side of the ocean…" Mithos said slowly.

"How do you suppose we get there?" Zelos inquired.

"I might be able to change the washtubs's engines, so they divert from their original course." Mithos pondered.

"I am not getting in the same washtub with you again!" Zelos said quickly.

"Me neither!" Kratos stepped back.

"I'd rather fling myself off the tower of salvation!" Yuan said appalled.

* * *

After a long argument, the guys decided that Mithos should just have his own washtub, while Yuan, Kratos and Zelos got in the other. One long ride later, the gang was wandering the cold streets of Flanoir. 

"So… let me get this straight. We went all the way to Flanoir, so you could get an icecream?" Yuan asked.

"Yup." Mithos responded, licking a large icecream cone he'd bought with some spare change he still had in his pocket.

"We took a twenty hour detour, so you could get an icecream?" Yuan asked again.

"Uh… Yes." Mithos said in a how-can-you-be-so-thick way.

"Okay. Just making sure."

"So now what do we do?" Zelos asked.

"Psst…" said a voice.

"Eh?" the gang looked around, and saw a suspicious looking man wearing a long coat beckoning them over. Ignoring everything their mother's had taught them, they immediately went to investigate.

"Want to buy some exspheres? They're excellent quality." The suspicious man whispered.

"Have we met before?" Kratos asked.

"No! It wasn't me!"

"Yes it was! You're Abyssion, one of the most notorious people of the Tethe'alla underworld." Kratos said.

"Shhhh, not so loud!" Abyssion looked around wildly, to see if anyone had heard.

"Abyssion here knows pretty much everything about... anything." Kratos continued, not bothering to keep his voice down.

"Oh! Do you know anything about Lloyd?" Zelos asked.

"Lloyd who?" Abyssion asked.

"Lloyd Irving, president of the Mana company. He went missing a few days ago."

"Missing celebrity eh? Well, I know someone who might know where he is. I'm not saying she does, I'm just saying she might." Abyssion said nodding.

"Who?"

"I'll tell you for five thousand gald."

"Hmm... interesting. I have a different proposition however. You tell us the name and where we can find her, and we won't rat you out to that police officer over there." Zelos said, pointing to a large police officer who was just passing by. He looked like he could easily beat up a creep such as Abyssion. Abyssion himself, noticed that too.

"Deal!" he said quickly. "The fortune teller in Triet is quickly capable when it comes down to locating people. You can ask her."

"Why didn't we think of that?" Zelos exclaimed, slamming his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Because you're idiots." Abyssion said. He regretted making that remark however, when he was being chased down the streets of Flanoir by a police officer.

* * *

((Don't you just love the way I portrayed Abyssion? I do! He's such a shady character.)) 


	9. Chapter eight

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Did everyone have a nice holiday? (even if you don't celebrate Christmas...) You must've been busy. Only 2 reviews.

**Indignation Judgement:** Oooh, someone faved this story? Yay!

**Anonymous person who I'm gonna assume was Katandshadow:** Awww... I envy you! I want a boyfriend too... A Kratos-like boyfriend. Or maybe more like Yuan... hmm...

Enjoyness!))

* * *

Chapter eight. 

Another long washtub ride later, the guys found themselves stepping into the heavily incense-ed tent of the Triet fortune teller.

"Welcome travellers. I can tell your fortune for a mere 5 gald." The fortune teller said in a mystical voice.

"Actually, we're looking for someone." Zelos said.

"That will cost 100 gald."

"But… we don't have any money." Zelos said slowly. "Do you accept I.O.U's?"

"As long as you pay within a week." The fortuneteller said nodding.

"Thank goddess." Zelos sighed. "Can you tell us where Lloyd is?"

"Lloyd? Lloyd who? There must be a million Lloyd's in this world…"

"Lloyd with double L." Kratos said.

"Oh! Lloyd Irving, president of Mana company!" the fortune teller exclaimed.

"That's the one. Hurry, look into your crystal ball, or whatever it is you're supposed to do." Zelos said anxiously.

"Patience, young man." The fortune teller said dismissively. Kratos cracked his knuckles in a very intimidating way. "Ah! I'm getting a vision!" the fortune teller quickly raised her hands to her head. "Your friend has been kidnapped. I cannot determine by who."

"So where is he?" Yuan asked.

"Somewhere on the continent north of Altamira. I cannot determine the exact location."

"And you dare to ask 100 gald for this?" Kratos asked. The fortune teller ignored him.

"If you want to find the exact location, I suggest you ask the people from Mizuho. They have a very extensive information network." The fortune teller suggested.

"Why didn't we think of that?" Kratos exclaimed, slamming his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Because you're idiots." The fortune teller said simply.

* * *

"Darnit, Mizuho is the other side of the world again! We should've just listened to Raine and brought the Rheairds with us." Kratos sighed, as the gang left the tent and headed for the town's exit.

"All the exercise is good for you. You're getting a belly." Zelos said.

"Excuse me? Are you calling me fat?" Kratos snapped.

"Well, not fat… You're just getting a bit… lazy." Zelos said delicately.

"Don't you judge me! Just because you're like a twig, doesn't mean other people have to be!"

"Kratos, he has got a point. I've known you for four thousand years, but you're starting to get a bit chubby lately." Mithos said, as the gang entered the town square.

"LIES!" Kratos shouted.

"Yuan, what do you think?" Zelos asked, turning back, before freezing in his tracks. "… Yuan?"

"Hey, where did he go? Wasn't he just walking behind us?" Mithos frowned, looking around. Yuan was nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe he forgot something at the fortune teller's place, and turned back to get it?" Zelos suggested.

The guys soon searched Triet for hours, but there was no sign of Yuan.

"He disappeared…" Zelos concluded.

"We're caught in a weird twilight zone! Soon everything will start to disappear, until it's just me floating around in nothingness!" Kratos shouted wildly, having a sudden panic attack.

"Oh, don't be stupid. Let's just go to Mizuho and ask them to find Yuan too." Zelos said.

* * *

Now, we leave three of our main characters, to find the fourth one, who was currently lying on the ground of a secret hideout, unconscious. 

"Yuan. … Yuan!"

"Yes Kratos, I'll marry you…" Yuan responded sleepily.

"Huh? Ewww! Wake up, you moron!"

Yuan stirred and opened his eyes to find Lloyd staring back at him.

"Lloyd, I found you! My mission is completed! The day of rescuing is now!" Yuan shrieked happily, sitting up.

"Yuan, look at the situation we're in." Lloyd said slowly. Yuan looked around to find out that they were both locked in a jailcell.

"Oh darn." Yuan pouted. "Well, don't worry. We were just out looking for you!"

"We?" Lloyd repeated.

"Yeah! Me, Kratos, Zelos and bratboy!"

"You guys didn't… consider calling the police? Or the FBI? Or hiring a private detective?" Lloyd asked hopelessly.

"Why didn't we think of that?" Yuan exclaimed, slamming his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Because you're idiots." Lloyd said simply.

"Why do people keep saying that?"

Suddenly, a door opened. Yuan and Lloyd gasped at the sight of the person who entered.

* * *

((Zomgodsitsanevilcliffhanger!)) 


	10. Chapter nine

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Oooh, the cliffhanger continues!

**DraNKa:** Oh, It was a corn-field? Ohwells...

**Blackdrak:** Oh, there you are! Welcome back! Yuan marrying Kratos? I dunno if it'll actually happen. I mean, look at what happened to Yuan's last fiancee...

**omgomgomgOMFG: **You love me? Heh, well... thanks. I think...

**ObligueFireAngel:** Good question. Do they have an FBI? Hmm...

Enjoy! Muahahahah!))

* * *

Chapter nine.

"Colette!"

"Hi Lloyd!" Colette the terrible said cheerfully.

"You! You… Whyyyyyyy?" Lloyd screamed.

"Oh, don't pretend you're not happy to see me. It's been over two years." Colette sat down in a chair.

"What do you want?" Lloyd glared at her.

"I want what's mine. My half of the Kharlan tree." Colette said simply.

"Excuse me? _Your_ half?" Lloyd stared.

"Yes. You just went and did whatever you wanted with the tree, without asking me. Before I knew it, you'd created an entire Mana company, and placed a restraining order on me."

"What makes you think I would need your permission for anything?"

"Lady Mana gave the tree to _us_, Lloyd! It's _our_ tree!"

"No it's not! If I remember correctly, and I know I do, Lady Mana gave it to me. She told _me_ to think of a name, to seal the pact between _me_ and the tree. Because _I_ was supposed to take care of it! You just jumped in and claimed it was ours." Lloyd said furiously.

"Well whatever. It comes down to the same thing." Colette raised her hand.

"Ah! She talk-to-the-hand-ed _me_!" Lloyd gasped.

"You fiend!" Yuan shook his fist at Colette.

"Colette, one question. Why did you kidnap Yuan too?" Lloyd asked.

"I figured that you would submit sooner if I kidnapped one of your friends too."

"Again, why Yuan?"

"Yeah, why me?" Yuan asked.

"You're not… friends?" Colette asked.

"No, not really. I mean, sure, we talk occasionally. But he did try to kill me several times." Lloyd responded shrugging.

"Yeah, and I screw his father." Yuan added. Lloyd stared at him. "Occasional nailing or hammering…" Yuan continued. Lloyd's eyes grew bigger. Luckily, Yuan noticed. "Which, ofcourse, is code language for the carpenter club we're both in!" he said quickly.

"Carpenter club? Phew. For a minute, I thought you meant-" Lloyd began, but he was interrupted by a loud cough.

"Pay attention to me please!" Colette called. Loyd and Yuan stared at her again. "Good. I want what's rightfully mine!"

"How do you expect to get half of the tree, you psycho? Sow it in half?" Yuan asked sarcastically.

"No, silly!" Colette giggled. "Lloyd can sign this contract here, saying that I own half of the mana company." She held up a piece of paper.

"Share a company, and my money with you? Never!" Lloyd shouted.

"I'm sorry to hear that…" Colette said slowly. "Well, I'll give you some time to change your mind. In the meantime, I'll put some nice music on." Colette walked over to a radio and flicked the 'on' button. Immediately, the most annoying song in the world started playing.

"Nooooooooo!" Lloyd shrieked.

"The horror!" Yuan hid his ears behind his hands.

"Iiiit's a small world aaaafterall! Iiiit's a small world aaaafterall!" the radio sang cheerfully.

"See you in a few days Lloyd!" Colette skipped out the door, leaving the two guys wallowing in their doom.

* * *

"So, you see mr. Tiger, that's why we need you to help us find Lloyd and Yuan." Mithos said as he, Kratos and Zelos were sitting the Mizuho chief's house.

"My name is Tiga! And no, we're not helping you." Tiga growled.

"Why not?" Kratos asked.

"You guys were the ones who split the world into two, causing havoc and destruction."

"That's all in the past, Jiggo mah man!" Mithos said.

"It's Tiga!"

"Look, they're good now, see? And we're good friends of Sheena too! Don't you remember that we were invited to her Christmas party?" Zelos asked.

"I do remember. Shockingly, it's not making you look any better." Tiga replied, remembering the way the guys behaved themselves at the party.

"Yeah, that was one heck of a party." Mithos sighed.

"Anyway, if Lloyd remains lost, the Mana company won't function properly anymore, and the world will be deprived of mana. You don't want that now, do you?" Kratos asked.

"Oh, I suppose you've got a point. Very well, we'll send a few scouts out to find them. In the meantime, you can wait outside." Tiga said.

"Thanks a lot, Hyggie!" Mithos said cheerfully.

"For the last time, my name is Tiga!"

* * *

((If you're wondering where Sheena herself is, she's at Vinheim with Genis and Raine, taking care of Noishe and Mr. Snuggles.))

((The carpenter's club joke was lame. I know. I put it in there for all the YuanxKratos fans.))


	11. Chapter ten

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Whooh, last update of 2005!

**Blackdrak:** Really? I pulled it off pretty well? Phew. I wasn't sure if I'd caught Colette's evilness well enough.

**Woogly:** I shortened the name. Sorry. Heh, someone liked the carpenter's club joke. Yay! And no, nobody cares about Colette one bit.

**omgomgomgOMFG:** More sinister plot? Uh... yeah... And no, you're not retarded. Even when Colette does occur to you, I doubt you'd be able to really think of a reason why it would be Colette. (It took me a while to think of one too)

**Indignation judgement:** Lol! Thanks!

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!))

* * *

Chapter ten.

"Well, mr. Viggo, did you find Lloyd ?" Mithos asked, as the guys were sitting in the Mizuho chief's house again a few hours later.

"My name is Tiga!" Tiga growled. "And yes, yes we did."

"Hooray!" Zelos cheered.

"He and your friend Yuan have been kidnapped by…" There was a long silence in which the guys held their breath. Mithos turned slightly blue. "Colette Brunel." Tiga finished.

"Colette? Oh, the horror! Those poor guys!" Mithos squeaked.

"But… why?" Zelos asked. "She's not still under the impression Lloyd loves her, is she?"

"Apparently, she went to the 'Tethe'alla treehuggers club' a few months ago, where she started babbling about how Lloyd was doing a great injustice to the Kharlan tree, and that she was planning to kidnap him. Naturally, she was thrown out within seconds." Tiga said simply.

"So that's what this is all about. She's just pissed because Lloyd is making lots of money off the Kharlan tree, and she's not involved." Zelos concluded.

"How dare that girl kidnap my only son, and then my Yuan? Oh, she'll rue the day she ever thought of that!" Kratos said through gritted teeth.

"Where is she hiding, mr. Higga?" Mithos asked.

"It's Tiga!" Tiga shouted. "And according to our troops, she has a hideout hidden deep in Gaoracchia forest."

"G-G-Gaoracchia forest?" Mithos stuttered.

"Is something wrong, Mithos?" Kratos asked, as everyone stared at him.

"I heard that place is haunted…" Mithos said slowly.

"Oh, ofcourse not! That's just some silly rumour Zelos made up." Kratos frowned.

"Actually, it's true. That place is swarming with ghosts. You encounter them in random battles." Zelos said wisely. Mithos shivered.

"My men have drawn a map of Gaoracchia forest, and marked Colette's hideout on it. Don't lose it!" Tiga handed a map to Zelos.

"Don't worry, we won't." Zelos stuffed the map in his pocket.

"Thanks for all your help, mr. Tigro." Mithos said cheerfully. In the blink of an eye, the gang was thrown out of the village.

* * *

We shall now leave Zelos, Kratos and Mithos, and check up on two of our other main characters, who were currently losing their sanity in a jailcell.

"Gnomelettes! Out to get my brain!" Lloyd muttered, rocking back and forth.

"Lloyd, pull yourself together!" Yuan shouted, covering his ears with his cape, in an attempt to keep the music from turning him into a psycho too.

"Why won't the gnomelettes take your brain instead? You hair is shiney and blue!" Lloyd said accusingly.

"I'm gonna enjoy doing this…" Yuan raised his hand and slapped Lloyd in the face. The boy fell over and landed against the wall with the back of his head.

"Outch! You don't have to hit me!" Lloyd shouted, crawling to his feet again.

"Why don't you just sign the damn contract?" Yuan growled.

"No! I will never share my money with… with HER!" Lloyd screamed. Yuan rolled his eyes and noticed something very odd.

"Lloyd, we're saved!" he shouted happily, hopping to his feet and staring at the ceiling.

"Have you gone crazy too?" Lloyd asked, trying to block out the annoying song.

"No! Look!" Yuan pointed to a large ventilation duct, some 9 feet above the ground. "One of us can crawl out through there!"

"Alright! Quick, give me a boost so I can leave this hellhole!" Lloyd grinned.

"Uh… No! If anyone escapes, it's going to be me!" Yuan shot back.

"What? I'm the one Colette is forcing to sign the contract! If I'm gone, she won't be able to do anything!"

"Lloyd, think about it! That ventilation duct is really big. And I'm bigger than you. It's only logical I'm the only one who can fit through there." Yuan explained, not seeing the flaw in his plan. Lloyd didn't see it either.

"I suppose that makes sense." Lloyd said slowly.

"Well, give me a boost then!" Yuan commanded. Lloyd sank through his knees, and Yuan climbed on top of his shoulders.

"Damn, you're heavy!" Lloyd grunted, trying to stand up with the seraph on top of him.

"Less complaining! Make yourself taller!" Yuan barked, trying to reach the duct.

"Ah! Your cape is flapping in my face!" Lloyd shouted.

"Be thankful I'm not wearing a skirt!" Yuan said simply.

"Why? Do you normally wear skirts?"

"Uh… Only when I'm at the Renegade base…" Yuan flushed. He grabbed the grid that was blocking the duct, and threw it aside, before hopping in. The force of his jump caused Lloyd to fall back with a shriek. "Well, wish me luck! If I'm not back in three hours, I will be back home, partying."

"After you've sent for help?"

"Uhhhh… Yeah…" Yuan said slowly. "Well, toodles!" and with that, he was gone.

* * *

((Freedom for Yuan! Or is it?...)) 

((See you all in 2006 folks! Happy newyear!))


	12. Chapter eleven

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Sorry this update took me so long! Final fantasy X was like... forcing me to play it...

**Blackdrak:** Anyone can write humor. It's really quite easy. As long as you don't make it too random... (I've read the strangest things, that made no sense... They were still funny though.) And no, Lloyd was not tricked. You're forgetting the fact that Yuan is an idiot too. It seems to be contagious.

**MeredyForMagic:** Don't worry, I'm gonna keep going!

**Woogly:** It's only logical. You give some idiots a map, and they're bound to lose it.

**Katandshadow:** Oh, there you are! You looked me up first? Really? I'm so honoured!

**Off:** The exact birthday is 22nd of December. I found it on a forum. I don't really remember the other birthdays... Except for Lloyd's, which is the 21st of December.

Enjoy this very late chapter!))

* * *

Chapter eleven. 

"I hate this forest…" Mithos said weakly, as the gang made their way through Gaoracchia forest.

"Come on Mithos! Don't you want to find Yuan and Lloyd?" Kratos asked.

"No! I just used that as an excuse to have a nice holiday." Mithos mumbled.

"Hey, are you sure this is the right direction?" Kratos turned to Zelos, who was leading the way.

"Errr… Hold on, I'll check the map." Zelos stopped and began searching his pockets. Mithos tapped his feet impatiently. "That's odd, I was sure I had it in my right pocket…" Zelos muttered.

"Don't tell me you lost the map!" Kratos shouted.

"Well… Eheh… I won't tell you then."

"I knew letting you have the map was a mistake!"

"We're doomed! Doomed, I tell ya! We'll be lost in this forest forever, attacked by ghosts and zombies and big pumpkin plants!" Mithos screamed hysterically.

"Calm down Mithos, if we retrace our steps, we might find the map again…" Zelos said, staring around at the leafy floor. But Mithos did not calm down. Instead, he shrieked even louder, and shot up a tree.

"What is it now?" Kratos asked impatiently.

"Hand! On my shoulder!" Mithos squeaked, hiding between the leaves.

"I don't _believe_ you! You dare call yourself leader of Cruxis and the Desians?" Kratos sighed.

"More like leader of the scaredykatz." Zelos added.

"I told you we should've usurped leadership years ago." Yuan said. There was a long silence.

"Yuan!" Kratos shouted, jumping on top of his companion and nearly flattening him.

"Where were you? The Mizuho guy said you were kidnapped by Colette too." Zelos said.

"I was. I escaped through a ventilation duct." Yuan gasped, trying to push Kratos off him again.

"Did you see Lloyd? Is he okay?" Zelos asked immediately.

"Well, he is currently turning insane, as Colette is trying to force him to sign... some contract."

"Oh noes! We must save him!" Zelos shouted. "Now, if only I could find that damn map…"

"Oh, I can lead you to the hideout." Yuan said simply.

"Hooray! Let's go!" Zelos and Kratos quickly followed Yuan, who was leading them away.

"Hey! Wait for me! I can't get down!" Mithos shouted, still in the tree.

* * *

"Okay… keep going straight here and…" Yuan, Kratos and Zelos fought their way through some thick bushes, and ended up on a clearing. "Oh, right! Now we need to cross this clearing, and take a right, and we're there!" Yuan said smugly. 

"Wow, you actually remembered something this time!" Zelos said awestruck.

"Yup. Hey, what do you mean by '_this time'_?"

"You won't be going any further!" shouted a voice. The guys froze and turned around, to look straight into the face of ex-Desian hero Forcystus. The poor man was sitting in an electric wheelchair.

"You!" Zelos shouted.

"He seems oddly familiar…" Kratos mumbled.

"You idiot! That's Forcycstus, one of the five grand cardinals!" Zelos said. Kratos stared. "He was the leader of Iselia ranch!" Kratos stayed quiet. "Lloyd stabbed him!"

"Ooooh yeah! That guy!" Kratos laughed. "He's awesome. He nearly shot Colette."

"Whats up, Forcycstie mah man?" Yuan asked, approaching the now handicapped cardinal. Forcystus raised his gun arm in response.

"Whoah!" Yuan raised his hands and quickly stepped back.

"You cannot pass!" Forcystus growled.

"Awwww, why not?" Zelos asked.

"I told miss Brunel to let no one get to the headquarters."

"What? But why are you working for Colette?" Kratos asked frowning.

"Well, a few months ago she came to the 'Tethe'alla treehuggers club'. I've been a member there ever since… the Iselia ranch incident. More interesting than a stamp collection. Ofcourse, when the girl started nagging about the Kharlan tree, I didn't really give a damn. Until she mentioned kidnapping Lloyd. I figured this would be the perfect way to get revenge." Forcystus grinned evilly.

"Revenge? For what?" Zelos asked.

"You moron! Look at me! I'm in a wheelchair ever since the kid stabbed me! Not to mention the fact that he destroyed my entire ranch!"

"Oh…"

"Now, I shall use my secret weapon to destroy you all!" Forcystus pressed a button on his armrest.

* * *

((Gasp! What will Forcystus's weapon be? Something evil and vile, that's for sure.)) 

((You have no idea how hard it is to spell Gaoracchia...))


	13. Chapter twelve

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Me again!

**DraNKa:** Mithos is always cute. In a girly sort of way... I love his skit picture. It makes him look sooo much like Colette! I can kinda understand what Genis sees in him.

**Katandshadow:** Ofcourse it would be physically impossible for Alan to be Marcus's father. Unless Alan is secretly fourthousand years old...

**Woogly:** A third saga? Well... keep this a secret, but I can say that the chances of a third saga are... 99,8!

**Blackdrak:** I think Forcystus may be... like... unable to die. (hooray, I'm spiffy coolio!)

**Vincent Kalas: **Vanished into thin air? No, no. That's what he wanted you to think. He actually used one of those Men In Black flashers to make a quick escape! He had to crawl, ofcourse, since he couldn't use his legs anymore.

Enjoy this chapter!))

* * *

Chapter twelve. 

Forcystus's wheelchair started whirring loudly. Suddenly, a small hatch on the side opened, and a plastic mug appeared. The mug automatically filled with hot, steaming coffee. Yuan, Kratos and Zelos gasped.

"It's a cappuccino machine! We're gonna die!" Kratos shrieked.

"Have mercy, mister Forcystus!" Zelos begged, falling to his knees.

Yuan walked forward, grabbed the mug and took a sip. "Hm… it's a mocha cappuccino. But it could use more sugar." He said.

"You morons! That's not my secret weapon! I pressed the wrong button!" Forcystus shouted.

"Oh… okay." Zelos got to his feet again.

"He presses the wrong button, and calls us morons…" Kratos muttered.

Forcystus pressed a different button on his armrest. The wheelchair started whirring again. Suddenly, large robotic arms and legs shot out of it, and within a matter of seconds, the wheelchair had transformed into a large fighting robot.

"It's a robot in disguise!" Kratos exclaimed.

"Yes. And now, I shall crush you all like flies! Or ants! Or… little grains of sand! Or cupcakes!" Forcystus laughed in a really evil way.

"I refuse to be crushed like a cupcake!" Yuan ran towards the large robot and kicked it in the shins. This resulted in him hopping around on his other foot, squeaking in pain.

"Looks like we'll need to defeat this thing in battle." Kratos said, drawing this sword. Zelos did the same.

"Yuan, can you go back to Lloyd and tell him we're on our way?" he asked.

"Excuse me? I just escaped that hellhole, and now you want me to go back?" Yuan stared at him.

"You're the only one who knows how to get in, and we need to make sure Lloyd doesn't commit kamikaze while we're stuck here."

"Kratooos!" Yuan called in a whiney voice.

"I'm sorry Yuan, but he has a point. Don't worry, we'll come save you as soon as possible." Kratos nodded.

"Fine! Be that way!" Yuan stomped off.

"Huh? Hey, none shall pass!" Forcystus shouted, staring at Yuan, and preparing to go after him.

"Your fight is with us, big guy!" Kratos called, firing a Demon fang attack at the robot. It simply bounced off.

* * *

Five minutes later, Yuan hopped out of the ventilation duct, and landed on Lloyd, who was sitting underneath it. 

"My hip!" Lloyd grunted. "What are you doing back here? Was the way out blocked or something?"

"No. But I was sent back." Yuan said shortly, crawling off the poor boy.

"You were sent back?"

"Yeah. I was supposed to pass a message, but I forgot what it was…"

"I'm surrounded by morons…" Lloyd muttered, rubbing his temples.

"Is that stupid song still going on?" Yuan asked, glaring at the radio that was playing along merrily.

"It must be powered by my annoyance or something. It never ever stops!"

"We'll see about that!" Yuan growled, crawling towards the iron bars and pointing his hand towards the radio.

"You can't reach it, you know…" Lloyd said slowly, but Yuan wasn't listening.

"Judgement!" the seraph shouted. It immediately began raining rays of light, smashing the radio into a thousand little bits.

"Sweet, sweet silence…" Lloyd sighed.

"Such a handy attack." Yuan grinned.

"Hey, why don't you just use it on the iron bars?"

"… Why didn't I think of that!" Yuan exclaimed once again.

"Because you're an-"

"Oh, shut up! Can't you people understand that question is rhetorical?"

* * *

((Transformers, wheelchairs in disguise!)) 

((Two more chapters and an epilogue!))


	14. Chapter thirteen

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: Oh noes! I'm late!

**Katandshadow:** Yeah, I'm pretty sure Judgement comes in the standard Seraph package. So now you must be really Yuan obsessed, eh?

**Woogly: **Muahahah! The evil song shall remain in your head foreva!

**ObligueFireAngel:** See, that's because Zelos infected Kratos with his idioticness. And now that Lloyd's been kidnapped, Zelos is trying to be serious.

**Blackdrak:** Yeah, I had so much fun with the wheelchair! When I thought it up, I actually sniggered out loud. I'm just lucky nobody was nearby to hear it.

Enjoy this second to last chapter!))

* * *

Chapter thirteen. 

Kratos and Zelos were still trying to take down the robot, when Mithos came running towards them.

"Dammit guys, you could've waited for me!" he shouted angrily.

"You were gone?" Zelos asked, narrowly avoiding a swipe from a giant robotic claw.

"Yes! I was still stuck in that tree!" Mithos huffed. "What did I miss?"

"Well, Forcystus came back for revenge, and turned his wheelchair into a big fighter robot. And now we're trying to defeat him, but he's a tad too strong." Kratos explained. Forcystus himself decided to spend his time usefully by making himself a large sandwich.

"Okay, we're going to take a break, so you have to take over for us." Zelos said, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel.

"Excuse me?" Mithos stammered.

"We've been fighting this thing for five minutes now. It's about time you did something."

"Nuhuh! Just because you're both lazy cows doesn't mean-" Mithos continued to rant on, and didn't notice that a gust of wind picked up the pepper Forcystus was just sprinkling on his sandwich, and blew it in the boy's direction. Mithos froze and sneezed loudly. The force of it caused him to spontanously transform into Yggdrasill.

"Oh, darnit! Blew my cover!" Yggdrasill said grumpily. Forcystus gasped and dropped his sandwich, before his robot turned back into an innocent wheelchair.

"Lord Yggdrasill! What are you doing here?" He asked.

"What does it look like? I'm here to save Lloyd!"

"I can't possibly fight you! You're my boss!"

"Hey, what about me? I'm your boss too!" Kratos called.

"Who are you then?" Forcystus stared at him.

"Lord Kratos! One of the four seraphim!" Kratos said in an outraged voice. Forcystus continued to stare, but said nothing. "Oh, nevermind!"

"We might be able to take advantage of this situation…" Zelos muttered to himself. "Hey Forcystus, as three of the four Seraphim, we command you to take us to Lloyd and Yuan!"

"Yes sir!"

* * *

Soon Forcystus was giving them a tour of Colette's hideout. Literally. 

"…And this is the living room. It's been decorated in an antique Asgard style. Note the fine, oak panels."

"Look, this is really interesting and all, but could you just take us to the cellar, or wherever it is Colette is keeping Lloyd?"

"Oh, alright. Just go down those stairs over there." Forcystus pointed to some steps on the other side of the room. Kratos, Zelos and Mithos quickly descended them, and encountered a door. Just as Zelos reached out to open it, a voice stopped him.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Colette came flying down the stairs too.

"We're going to free Lloyd." Zelos replied simply.

"And Yuan!" Kratos chimed in.

"You can't do that! They're my prisoners!" Colette huffed.

"Well, you can't keep them! Lloyd is supposed to get married to me! Today!"

"Really? You're going to get married? Where's my invitation?" Colette demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"It uh… must've gotten lost in the mail. Yeah."

"You think I'm stupid enough to believe that? Where's the engagement ring then?" Colette asked.

"I… didn't have enough money to buy one." Zelos muttered, going red.

"How about you join me? I'll give you 30 percent of Lloyd's money, and you get all the manwhores your heart desires."

"Oh hey, I'll join you!" Mithos shouted immediately, before getting whacked by Kratos.

"I know I normally side with the strongest. But this time, I side with the idiots." Zelos said firmly. There was a long silence.

"Hey, I think he means us…" Kratos whispered.

"Hooray!" Mithos hopped up and down in a hyperactive frenzy. "In your face, Brunel!"

"Now, to free my fiancée..." Zelos turned and opened the door to the cellar.

* * *

((ZOMGODANOTHEREVILCLIFFHANGER! Will Zelos save Lloyd? Will Kratos save Yuan? Will Colette get pwned? In short, will we have a happy ending? Find out in the last chapter and the epilogue!)) 


	15. Chapter fourteen

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

((A/N: There you are, guys and girls! The final chapter! Enjoy!

**Blackdrak: **Siding with his own kind... Yeah, that seems about right. Meheheh...

**Indignation judgement:** Genis will appear this chapter! And in the epilogue too!

**Invader Meow:** I'm really looking forward to chapter three of your story! It's such a cool story!

**Da deltadasher demon: **It sounds Welsh? lol! It think it's just a pretty common internet term.

**Katandshadow:** Yuie! Lol! I mean... Yeah, Colette is cruel. We knew it all along!

**Woogly:** A bookstore? That's not such a bad idea, really. They could make fortunes! And yes, Genis will be mentioned more.

Thanks for all your reviews! I couldn't have done it without you!))

* * *

Chapter fourteen. 

"It's empty?" Zelos, Kratos, Mithos and Colette exclaimed. Indeed, the cell was completely empty, and there was a large, gaping hole in the iron bars.

"Where did Lloyd go?" Zelos asked.

"Where did Yuan go?" Kratos asked.

"Oh, I knew I should've made the prison magic-proof!" Colette growled, clenching her fists. She pulled a small radar out of her pocket. It made an annoying bleeping sound. "He's outside!" Colette stated, extending her wings and flying out the door.

"Hey, after her!" the seraph quickly pulled out their shiny wings too, and flew after her.

"Where did she go?" Kratos growled, as the guys stared around the living room. Forcystus pointed out the window, where Lloyd and Yuan were running. Colette was right behind them.

"Ah!" the guys quickly stormed out the front door. "Lloyd!" Zelos called. That might've been a big mistake, as Lloyd immediately froze in his tracks and turned to Zelos. This gave Colette the opportunity to tackle him to the ground.

"Get off me woman!" Lloyd shrieked.

"No! You are my soulmate, and we shall be happy together!" Colette shouted, foaming slightly. She grabbed Lloyd under his arms and tried to fly away. She didn't get that far though. "Gah, Lloyd, you're heavy!" she huffed, a mere ten feet from the ground.

"Distract Colette, I'll grab Lloyd!" Zelos called, flying towards Colette, who was too slow to make a quick escape.

"Hey Colette, your shoelace is untied!" Kratos called.

"It is?" Colette, who was now twelve feet from the ground, automatically dropped Lloyd to look at her shoes. Luckily, Zelos was just in time to catch the swordsman before he hit the ground.

"Holy crap! She was right! You _are_ heavy!" he huffed.

"Gee, thanks…" Lloyd mumbled. Zelos placed him back on the ground safely and gave him a huge hug.

"No! I won't let you take him!" Colette shrieked, flying towards them at top speed.

"Mithos, now!" Kratos called suddenly. Mithos raised his hands to the sky, and shiny beads of light rained down on Colette. It didn't appear to have any effect. Colette stopped in midair in surprise, and looked around.

"What did you do?" Zelos asked slowly.

"We activated one of Colette's angelic powers. The one that makes her lose her voice." Mithos grinned widely. Everyone was entertained for a few minutes, watching Colette throw a completely silent tantrum.

* * *

"Oh no, will you look at the time? The wedding is in three hours! We'll never make it!" Yuan said suddenly. 

"Hey guuuys!"

"I must be going crazy! That sounds like Sheena!" Zelos said, staring around.

"It _is_ Sheena!" Kratos pointed at the sky, where a group of rheairds was heading towards them.

"We finally found you!" Raine said, as the entire gang touched down in the grass. "Here, we brought wingpacks for everyone!"

"Geniiiiiiis!" Mithos squeaked loudly, running towards his friend and pulling him into a hug.

"You came to save us?" Zelos asked.

"No! We came to kick your asses! That creature you left with us is a menace!" Sheena growled.

"Noishe? I told Kratos that stupid mutt is a-" Mithos began.

"No, not Noishe! That… That rabbit!"

"Mr. Snuggles? What did you do to him?"

"We had to lock him in the basement. Nobody had the courage to feed it for days…" Raine shrugged.

"Mr. Snuggles, noooo!" Mithos shrieked. Genis tried to comfort him by patting him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"Look, we don't have time for this! Let's go!" Lloyd said suddenly, grabbing one of the wingpacks.

"Hey, Colette is trying to say something…" Presea commented, and everyone turned back to see Colette make obscene hand gestures.

"Oh alright, you can come to the wedding too." Regal threw a lasso around Colette, and tied her to the back of his rheaird, before the gang took off towards Meltokio's church.

* * *

((Mwuahahah! Colette got pwned!)) 

((Keep reading for the epilogue!))


	16. Epilogue

Tales of Symphonia, idiot seraphim deux

Epilogue.

* * *

And so, all friends, family and vague acquaintances had gathered in Meltokio's church, to watch Lloyd and Zelos get married. 

"I knew this was going to happen when I first met them." Kate said wisely.

"Yes, I believe everyone saw it coming." Neil added.

"My son is marrying a manwhore…" Dirk mumbled, shaking his head.

Meanwhile, Zelos's fangirls were crying faintly in the background. Suddenly, the organ music started playing, and Mithos and Genis came skipping down the aisle, throwing rose petals everywhere. The crowd 'aaaaaw'-ed at their matching pink outfits. When Mithos reached the front of the aisle, he dumped the rest of the flower basket's contents on Yuan's head, before sitting down next to Genis. Yuan growled at him threateningly, but let it go, just this once.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry…" Kratos sniffed, pulling out a hanky.

"Same here." Forcystus blubbered, already sitting next to a large pile of hankies. Kratos quickly moved away from the ex-cardinal, and closer to Yuan.

Lloyd was waiting at the altar. He was wearing a wonderful, white tuxedo. He had also tried to tame his hair a bit. But failed. It was covered in gel, and standing slightly back. Lloyd grinned nervously.

The church's door opened, and Zelos walked in, grinning widely. He waved merrily, and blew kisses at his fans, who cried even louder. Just like Lloyd, Zelos was wearing a white tuxedo. His hair was tied back in a long braid, making him appear more elegant. Celes, who had been released from the abbey for this special day, was staring at him in an almost jealous way. But he could tell that deep down, she was quite happy for her big brother.

Zelos reached the altar and turned to Lloyd, smiling at him in an assuring way. Soon, the ceremony was well on it's way.

"Zelos Wilder, do you take Lloyd Irving as your lawful husband?" The priest asked.

"You bet I do!" Zelos grinned, ignoring the muffled whines of his fangirls.

"Lloyd Irving, do you take Zelos Wilder as your lawful husband?" The priest turned to Lloyd.

"Yes- I mean, I do." Lloyd nodded.

"If anyone here has any objections, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace." The priest said solemly, turning to the crowd. Nobody noticed that Colette was hopping up and down in the background, waving her arms wildly, but making no sound whatsoever.

"No objections? Then I now pronounce you husband and w-…" the priest broke off suddenly, staring at the happy couple. "Husband and husband." He finished. "You may kiss the… erm… the groom."

The crowd cheered wildly, and Colette threw herself out the window, as Zelos and Lloyd sealed the ceremony with a kiss.

* * *

((AAAWWWWW! Wasn't that the best ending ever? I say it was!)) 

((And I'm pleased to announce there will be a third part to Idiot seraphim! That's right, it's a trilogy! But I'm keeping the plot a secret, because I'm evil! Heheheh... It should be up soon though, so you won't have to wait long.))


End file.
